Growing Up

A few weeks ago I read a book called Girls in White Dresses. Seeing as I am obsessed with everything to do with weddings, I decided I would like it. And I did. Except it wasn't really about weddings. More of life after college and through your 20's and 30's. Basically it's a book about growing up which lately has been on my mind about 16/7 (the other 8 hours are designated for sleeping, but even then I sometimes have dreams about it). I am afraid. I said it. I am 19 years old and I am so so afraid of letting go of my childhood. To this day, I would rather drive in my parents car with them instead of taking my own car. This isn't because I hate driving, it's because I feel like a little kid again sitting in the back seat. I also cried for a week when my parents decided to paint my house last summer. To be fair, my whole life living in my house, it has been yellow with a green door and green shutters. They wanted to paint it white with a red door and black shutters. I mean that is a lot of change especially when you are about to leave for the scariest year of your life...Freshman year of college.

So back to growing up. Last night, I went out to dinner for a goodbye/birthday dinner for one of my close friends from high school. Sitting there watching and listening to everyone I started thinking that within the next ten years most of us would be married and some of us may even have kids. When you start having these thoughts you start having panic attacks (not really, again I am exaggerating). But I mean it is really scary stuff. The most contradicting thing about it though is the fact that ALL I do is talk about meeting my husband and having kids and how that will be the best times of my life. But nights like last night make me sit back and really think about it. Do I want to wish away nights of sitting in my best friends car until midnight singing at the top of our lungs and talking about growing up? No because maybe I am slowly realizing that not just one period of your life can be your "best years." I think that in the end it is the littlest moments that we will never forget because the smallest things make us the happiest.

I don't think I need to be afraid to grow up, I also don't think I need to focus so much of my attention on the future. I need to stop worrying that I am not going to have a husband ever and instead will live with my 18 cats (that will always be a fear, but I will continue to work on overcoming it). Because when I look at my life from the outside I am probably one of the luckiest people out there. I have a family that is crazy and quirky, but is perfect to me. I have found a soul mate in my best friend that I know will forever be there and I have been given opportunities that have opened my eyes to what the world has to offer. I don't think that there should be any fear left in me (except of spiders of course) because if my future, adult life is anything like the past 19 years then I am one lucky person.

Girls in White Dresses highlights every single fear that I discussed and in the end the books ends happily. Not a stupid cheesy ending where everyone is married and has 3 kids and a perfect job. No. Everyone is stable in what they are doing and they are happy even if their boyfriend only eats easy mac. It doen't matter because happiness is a powerful thing and you know what. Sitting at that dinner table last night and looking at the group of friends I have always taken for granted, I realized how truly happy I was to be there,  but also how excited I was to experience the future with them. I may have cried at the end of Girls in White Dresses but i don't think it was because I was scared, I think it was because I realized I could be any of the "Girls in White Dresses" and I would be happy.

Thanks for listening again, whoever you are. Remember to be yourself because that's when you'll truly be happy!

Lot's of love,
Molly

P.S. Read Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close. Hopefully you won't be disappointed.